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This is a page really for those who are finding it hard to start off on a diet. it is taken directly from a page that i saw on obesity.com, So I take no responsibility for authoring it!! ......... I just thought it would be nice to share with you....

It basically gives you the questions that you need to answer in order to ascertain whether you actually want to lose weight, or whether you are still looking for that miracle cure for being overweight!!..... It also centres around Jean Antonello's battle with weight loss. It is pretty heavy reading, so go grab a coffee (W/O sugar!), sit back and read on, it is in three sections.... I did have links to further down the page, but not one of them on the site worked, so I took 'em alllll of!

Profile: After 17 Years of Dieting Nightmares, Success!

Jean Antonello started dieting at 13, and for the next 17 years, lived what she calls the "dieting lifestyle." It was, in reality, a dieting nightmare. Alternately starving herself and bingeing on anything in sight, her weight yo-yo'ed from 118 to 198, leaving her depressed and filled with self-hatred.

"At 13, I wasn't even fat," the 47-year-old Minnesota nurse recalls, "just tall and big boned. But mentally, I had a distorted body image. I wanted to look like the magazine models. I had no idea that it was unnatural for me to weigh less than about 135."

Like most dieters, Antonello believed the problem was her "runaway appetite," and that the only way to control it was "will power." Before her wedding, she lost 40 pounds, but within a year, gained it back--and then some. "I was always at war with myself. The constant struggle shattered my self-esteem. I hated it." Her post-wedding weight gain triggered a crisis. Antonello knew she couldn't keep dieting, but she had no idea what to do. "I prayed--not for another diet, but for a cure."

Seventeen years ago, Antonello found her cure. She lost 30 pounds, and has remained about 138, "on the low end of normal for my height, five feet eight inches." She also wrote a book, How to Become Naturally Thin By Eating More. But we're getting ahead of her story.

Before Antonello shed those 30 pounds she had to prepare herself, to get ready. She did not shed her self-destructive ideas about weight loss overnight. It took her two years to escape the dieting mindset, and another nine months to develop a lifestyle conducive to permanent weight control. But almost three years after she decided to lose weight for good, she felt ready to do it.

"I'd spent half my life wondering why my appetite was out of control," Antonello explains. "Luckily, by my crisis, I had scientific training. I decided to approach my problem scientifically. Instead of focusing on what was wrong with me, I interviewed people who were naturally thin--who would eat anything and not gain weight--to learn what was right with them."

Antonello was astonished to discover that those who were naturally thin thought about food differently than she did. They were not obsessed with it as she was. They simply ate when they felt hungry, and stopped when they felt full. "I realized that my appetite was not the problem. Dieting was. If you periodically starve yourself, your body thinks you're living through a famine, and it takes steps to assure your survival. You become obsessed with eating, and when food becomes available again, your body stores fat so you can live through the next 'famine.' I realized I needed to convince my body that the famine was over. I needed to learn how to eat."

That prospect panicked Antonello. She was scared to shop, scared to adopt the lifestyle changes she knew were right. She was also terrified of "failing again." But Antonello's research gave her strength. "I realized that I'd never really been a 'failure.' I'd simply misunderstood why I couldn't control my weight."

Antonello's story is noteworthy not simply because she ultimately succeeded in losing weight permanently while an estimated 90 percent of dieters do not, but also because she took the time to get ready for her life-changing weight loss. The experts say that getting ready is crucial to success--and that most would-be weight losers don't place enough emphasis on getting ready to do it.

Most people automatically say, "Very." But quite often, that's not the case. When psychologist Ronette L. Kolotkin, Ph.D., director of behavioral programs at the Duke University Diet and Fitness Center, asks people how their weight affects their daily lives, those who aren't ready typically respond, "Not much." The people who are really ready say, "I'm fed up, and I'm committed to making a change."

Being fed up means fed up, period. "People tell me, 'I know I should lose weight, but...,'" says psychologist Diane Hanson, Ph.D., a lifestyle specialist at the Pritikin Longevity Center in Santa Monica, California. "That 'but' means they're not ready."

Hanson knows about weight-loss readiness from personal experience. Her French-Canadian family added butter and cream to everything. "Whole milk wasn't rich enough for me. Growing up, I drank half-and-half." Not surprisingly, by adulthood, she was 30 pounds overweight. She yo-yo dieted for years, and then one day realized she was truly fed up. No more "but's." She lost the 30 pounds 20 years ago, and has never regained them.

Steve Purser knew he was ready to lose weight when he, too, became truly fed up with his extra baggage. The 47-year-old San Francisco health administrator gained weight from high school through college, "but it didn't bother me." Then he hit 30, and his attitude changed. "I felt older, and didn't want to wind up old and fat." Once he felt mentally prepared to lose weight permanently, he dropped 20 pounds, and has never regained more than five.

People who aren't ready to lose weight always find reasons not to try. But sometimes those who feel really fed up face life problems that make losing difficult, if not impossible. "Everyone has 'background obstacles,'" explains weight-loss expert Kelly Brownell, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Yale, "bills and hassles with kids and jobs. But if you're facing extraordinary problems--divorce, serious illness, a death in the family, or job loss--then you may be too preoccupied to lose weight."

How long should a person wait after a major problem? "It depends on the individual," says psychologist Thomas Wadden, Ph.D., director of the Center for Health and Behavior at Syracuse University. "But you should feel back to normal, and no longer preoccupied by the stressor."

Occasionally, however, serious life problems may help people get ready to lose weight. "A woman who has just decided to leave a destructive marriage may be facing divorce," Dr. Brownell explains, "but if she feels excited about starting a new and better life, it might be a good time for her to lose weight."

"When people tell me they want to lose weight for their high school reunion, or because their doctors or mothers-in-law have been nagging them, they usually gain it back," Dr. Kolotkin says. "External forces can help people start to lose weight, but any weight lost is rarely permanent. People who keep weight off lose it for themselves, because they're committed to doing it."

Fairy tales end "happily ever after," but in real life, things are often messy--even for people who are slim. "It's amazing how unrealistic people can be about weight loss," says Dr. Kolotkin. "They think that losing weight will make their lives wonderful. It doesn't."

Kolotkin contrasts unrealistic expectations about weight loss with the more realistic expectations most people have about job changes or second marriages. "People don't expect new jobs or marriages to be perfect. They know that to do so is a set-up for disappointment. But when it comes to weight loss, many people have trouble getting past fairy-tale endings."

Be realistic. You probably won't wind up a movie star, but chances are you'll be able to sit comfortably in a movie theater seat.

Consider the rewards of being overweight--that's right, rewards. Being heavy may provide advantages you'll sacrifice if you lose weight.

Some people use their weight as an excuse for not working on other problems. "They think: I have a lousy job because I'm fat," Dr. Wadden says, "or a lousy marriage. If they lose weight, they lose their excuse for their other dissatisfactions. That can be scary."

Others believe their weight makes people take them more seriously. This idea is part of our language: A powerful person is a "heavy." A "lightweight" is a nitwit. Dr. Kolotkin says, "Several people have told me, 'When I'm heavy, people listen to me more.'"

Some people fear a loss of friends or sexual attractiveness if they lose weight. "Our culture says sexy means thin," explains Maria Simonson, Ph.D., director of the Health, Weight, and Stress Clinic at Johns Hopkins, "but many men are sexually attracted to heavier women."

Others, especially women, fear increased sexual attractiveness if they lose weight. Why fear sexiness? Because it often means wolf whistles on the street, and approaches by neighbors, coworkers, and friends' husbands. "Being thin," Dr. Kolotkin explains, "can be a real hassle."

A key part of preparing to lose weight involves confronting fears of thinness. If you've used your weight as an excuse for inaction on other problems, you won't be ready to lose until you've explored those issues. Once you do, weight loss can help build the self-esteem necessary to deal with them. If you fear a loss of friends, try recruiting a "weight loss buddy." The two of you can become each others' support system. And if you think your weight means clout or sexiness, consider modifying your weight loss goal. "Maybe you shouldn't lose 75 pounds," Dr. Kolotkin says, "maybe you should stop at, say, 40."

As for fears of unwanted sexual advances, Dr. Kolotkin suggests deciding on a "panic-button weight" below which unwelcome advances become a problem. Don't go below that weight. Stay there until you can cope comfortably with the increased attention you're getting. The way to do that is to become more assertive. Practice saying things like: "I'm flattered that you find me attractive, but I don't date people I work with." Or: "I never fool around with married men, so forget it." Once you can fend off unwanted advances at your panic-button weight, you may decide you're ready to lose more.

But perhaps the biggest inner fear that keeps people from losing weight is fear of failure. "Every long term dieter feels burned by all the diets that didn't work," Dr. Hanson says, "so they're skeptical about trying again." Hanson suggests viewing weight-loss attempts not as "successes" or "failures," but rather, as experiments. "Think about what you've learned along the way. Analyze what you did right, and what you need to do differently next time."

Dr. Wadden says losing weight is like quitting smoking: "It usually takes several tries. I never use the term 'failure.' Regaining is frustrating, but it's a necessary step on the path to permanent weight control."

"People who focus only on their weight usually regain what they lose," says Michael Hamilton, Ph.D., director of the Duke University Diet and Fitness Center. "Permanent weight loss means making small, manageable changes and sticking with them for life."

Of course, change is never easy. It often feels threatening, especially when it's "for life." That's why part of getting ready to lose weight involves deciding which changes are small enough to feel manageable and non-threatening. In other words, which changes are no big deal?

"'Dieting' means making drastic short-term changes that never last," says fitness instructor Joan Price, author of The Honest Truth About Losing Weight and Keeping It Off. "To keep weight off, make small changes over time and incorporate them into your life."

When pondering possible changes, Trish Ratto, R.D., associate director of Health Promotion at the University of California at Berkeley, advises, "Be honest with yourself. Don't even consider a change you're unwilling to stick to. If you can't live with, it won't become permanent."

First, list all the little things you're truly willing to do. Maybe you can't give up frozen desserts, but it's no sacrifice to switch from ice cream to nonfat frozen yogurt. Perhaps you're repulsed by jogging, but it's no big deal to park one block farther from the mall, and walk the extra distance. Or maybe you're can't live without burgers, but you're willing switch from cheeseburgers to plain hamburgers. These changes may sound insignificant, but they're not. "It's the small changes that become permanent," Dr. Kolotkin says, "and permanence is crucial. I applaud switching from cheeseburgers to hamburgers--if it's for life."

Once you've listed all the changes you can live with, rank them from easiest to hardest. Then make your easiest change--and no other. Within six months, it should become a permanent habit. Then make change number two and so on, one change every six months. "It takes about six months for personal changes to become cemented as habits," Price says. "When you no longer have to struggle with one change, it's no big deal to make the next."

When Steve Purser felt ready to lose weight, he made only two changes: "I cut out alcohol, and instead of diving into sweets after dinner, I took a walk. If I still wanted dessert after my walk, I'd have it. But usually, when I got home, I felt fine going without it."

In other words, his attitude about food and exercise changed.

Be realistic. Be patient. "It's simply not realistic to want to lose 50 pounds in two months," Dr. Wadden says. "A realistic goal is five pounds in two months."

"Tabloid headlines like: 'Lose 15 Pounds in a Week' train people to be terribly impatient about weight loss," Dr. Kolotkin says. "Quick fixes never work. Weight doesn't come off quickly. If you're not ready to give it time, you're not ready to lose."

"Two lifestyle changes a year is a good pace," Price says. "After 18 months or so, most people lose weight without gaining it back."

It might take even longer--which is fine. It took Jean Antonello almost five years--more than two to get ready, and two more to actually lose her weight.

Forget "dieting." Focus on benefits. "Dieting" means deprivation, and no one chooses to remain deprived for long. "Diets set up artificial rules," says 55-year-old Arizona weight-loss psychologist Susan Olson, Ph.D., "and because the rules don't come from within, they automatically feel unnatural. After a while, people rebel."

Diets are also by definition temporary. "People never say, 'I'm going on this diet for the rest of my life,'" Dr. Kolotkin says. "They say, 'I'll try it for a while.' When they stop, of course the weight comes back."

Instead of dwelling on how much you're depriving yourself, remember why you're fed up with being heavy. "Mental preparation for weight loss," Dr. Wadden says, "involves refocusing your self-talk from 'I can't have this or that...' to 'I'm going to look better, feel better, have more energy, and wear the clothes I love.'"

After a few months without alcohol and taking his nightly walks, Steve Purser was delighted to discover benefits he hadn't even imagined: "I had more stamina. I slept more soundly. And I felt less tired during day."

Never say, "Never." "Most people expect themselves to be perfect," Dr. Olson says. "They're so hard on themselves, so unforgiving. When I ask how they view themselves, they say: 'I'm a refrigerator with a head,' or 'a balloon with legs.' Preparing to lose weight means realizing that everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself."

Consider marriage. When spouses fight, they don't immediately get divorced. After most marital mistakes, spouses forgive each other. That's part of any permanent relationship. Permanent weight control is similar. It means entering into a new, more forgiving relationship with yourself.

"We're only human," Ratto explains. "Personally, I use the 80-20 rule. I watch what I eat and make sure I exercise 80 percent of the time. The other 20 percent, I don't worry about it."

The quest for perfection leads to preoccupations with two other dieting demons--will power and guilt. "When dieters realize they're not perfect," Antonello says, "they decide they have no 'will power,' and feel guilty for being 'bad.' Of course, they're not bad. They're starving, and no matter how much will power they muster, after a while they binge and feel guilty. But when people eat quality food normally, they lose weight without guilt and without the need for all that will power."

Forget the models in the magazines. "Most of them are way too thin," Dr. Simonson says. "America is the only place in the world where 'beauty' means anorexia. Everywhere else beautiful women have curves. Many women shouldn't lose as much as they think they need to lose."

"Getting ready to lose weight involves accepting yourself," Ratto says. "Women often have trouble accepting their bodies. We're always changing our hair styles, hair color, clothing, and make-up. We're never satisfied. No wonder we're not satisfied with our weight." Ratto says the emotional process of getting ready to lose weight helps people feel better about themselves. "And when you feel better, you start to look better even before you lose a pound."

Forget "genetics". Recent studies suggest that weight is genetically programmed. The implication is that fat people are fated to be fat. "There is a genetic component to weight," Dr. Wadden says, "but no one is destined to be obese. If weight has been a major problem in your family, you may not be able to become as thin as you'd like, but you can lose weight."

Forget "exercise." Enjoy physical fun. No one loses weight permanently by diet changes alone. Regular exercise is a must. "The problem," Price explains, "is that it's very difficult for longtime couch potatoes to get off the sofa." Her solution? "Don't 'exercise.' Just become a little more physically active in your daily life."

Price speaks from experience. An uncoordinated child, she hated gym class, and didn't learn how to swim or ride a bike until her mid-twenties. "The only physical activity I enjoyed was dancing--but I had no idea it was 'exercise.'"

During her thirties, Price took up bicycling to lose weight--and was amazed how much she enjoyed it. But she couldn't ride in the winter, so she regained. Casting about for a winter activity, she heard about an aerobic dance class at a local health club. "I'd never set foot inside a health club, and I felt terrified to enter. But my cycling had given me some confidence, and I'd always enjoyed dancing. I figured it was either try it, or sit at home and eat."

At her first aerobics class, Price lasted all of five minutes. "I had no stamina." But in the locker room, the other women were supportive. "Each one had a story about arriving for the first time thinking they were the only one out of shape." Price stuck with the class and slimmed down permanently. Now she teaches aerobics.

"Exercise" doesn't mean sweating buckets doing things you hate. That attitude keeps couch potatoes in Spudville. "Half of those who start exercise programs stop within a few months," Price explains, "and half of those who stop do so before the end of their first session. They give up in advance because they try to force themselves to do things they don't enjoy."

Find something you like. Price suggests recalling the activities you enjoyed when you were younger--bowling, ping-pong, tapdancing, whatever. Take one up again, or try something close. Price's girlhood love of dancing led her to aerobics. "But find what works for you. Two great activities that don't feel like exercise are walking and gardening."

Price seconds fitness authorities who recommend three or four half-hour workouts a week. "But not immediately," she insists. "That activity level should be your ultimate goal. If you're getting ready to become more physically active, a half hour can feel intimidating. To start, try going just five minutes three times a week."

That was what Price did after collapsing five minutes into her first aerobics class. She gave herself permission to stop after five minutes. "That changed the experience," she recalls. "Instead of feeling defeated before I started, I felt more positive: 'Five minutes? I can do that.'" Soon her five minutes became 10, and within a year, she could last an entire class, and was greeting shy, overweight women in the locker room with the story of her own first time.

Price clearly did something right: She planned her program.

Once you feel truly really ready to lose weight, then it's time to make some concrete plans:

Get a physical. Dr. Simonson urges would-be weight losers to consult their physicians as a general precaution, and to get a professional opinion about the level of physical activity they can manage.

Plan to eat. "If you're still thinking about 'dieting,'" Antonello says, "you're not ready. Deprivation inevitably leads to bingeing."

"In our program we insist that participants eat three meals and have three snacks every day," Dr. Simonson says. "Of course, meals and snacks should be low in fat, but you've got to eat. If you don't learn how to eat until you feel satisfied, you won't achieve permanent weight loss."

Maintain your weight. Here's a small, realistic, manageable goal: Don't jump into losing weight. Instead, begin by holding the line for six months. "That's a real success," Dr. Wadden says. "It can provide a boost of confidence that helps you move on to the next step, actual weight loss."

Kiss your old self goodbye. Once you've faced your fears about losing weight, it's time to bid farewell to the overweight person in the mirror. "Remember leaving home?" Dr. Kolotkin explains. "You felt excited but you knew you'd miss your family and friends. Losing weight has the same bittersweet quality. Give yourself a chance to grieve over the loss of your old lifestyle--even though you know it kept you heavy. It's easier to open a new chapter in life when the previous one is really closed."

Pick a meaningful start date. When Steve Purser decided to lose weight, he knew he was prepared to forego alcohol and substitute walks for desserts--but he didn't plunge right in. "I waited until the first of the year. I'm not really sure why. It just felt right."

Pick a start date that's personally meaningful to you: January 1, your birthday, or the anniversary of some event that pushed you to make the commitment, for example, the date of an overweight relative's heart attack.

Practice sidestepping the saboteurs. Okay: you're ready to lose, but at the family picnic, there's Aunt Susie handing you a thick slice of apple pie a la mode, saying, "I made it just for you." The thing to do, Dr. Olson says, is to reply, "I appreciate how hard you worked on it, but I'm working hard now, too. I'm committed to losing weight and I know you'll understand when I decline."

Also, practice sidestepping the "food police." A friend who knows you're losing weight might say, "Should you have that cookie?" Dr. Olson suggests replying, "I know you want to help me. So far I've made two manageable lifestyle changes: no late-night dish of ice cream, and a walk every day at lunch. Eventually, I plan to eliminate cookies, but not yet. I need you to support my progress and not make me feel guilty."

Plan to weigh in once a week--and no more. Many veterans of the dieting lifestyle weigh themselves several times a day. That's a mistake. Weight comes off slowly. "For permanent weight control, losing a pound a week is plenty," Dr. Kolotkin explains. "You don't see progress if you weigh in daily. Don't set yourself up for frustration and disappointment."

Plan to celebrate small victories. "Think of best parents you know," Dr. Kolotkin says. "Think about the huge fuss they make over their baby's every little accomplishment. Be that parent for yourself."

Yo-yo dieters are often so disgusted with themselves that they become incapable of even recognizing their accomplishments, let alone celebrating them. "If they lose weight, they credit the diet," Dr. Olson says, "If they don't, they blame themselves."

If you have trouble seeing how far you've come, create some charts, not just of your weight, but also the number of minutes you walk each day, or the flights of stairs you climb. Or take pictures of yourself on the first of each month and post them.

"To lose weight permanently," Dr. Wadden says, "you have to become your own cheerleader. Don't lament, 'I only lost half a pound this week.' Say, 'All right! Another half pound! That makes seven pounds in 10 weeks. I'm doing it.'" In other words, be your own cheerleader and someday you might look like one.

Plan to have fun. Part of cheering your progress involves rewarding yourself, not with hot fudge sundaes, but with other treats. "After six months of walking 10 minutes a day, treat yourself to a new pair of walking shoes," Price suggests, "or take a weekend at a health spa."

Plan to pace your rewards, so that you earn at least one a week. "Don't fall into the trap of saying, 'I'll do this or that after I've lost 30 pounds,'" Dr. Wadden says. "Buy some new clothes now. See the symphony next week. Take a vacation soon. You deserve it."

Everyone knows how to lose weight, right? Eat a low-fat diet and get regular exercise. "But before you can do that, you have to get mentally and emotionally ready," Dr. Wadden says. "Weight-loss preparation happens in your mind. Most people talk themselves out of losing weight. The challenge is to talk yourself into it."

If you're truly ready, terrific. Go for it. "Just remember," Dr. Kolotkin says, "People who keep weight off do it with moderation, consistency, and enjoyment--not with the deprivation of dieting."

If you're not ready, analyze why not. "Then wait a month or so, and check in with yourself again," Dr. Brownell says. "Readiness is crucial to permanent weight loss. If you're not ready and you try anyway, you're setting yourself up for disappointment."

To Conclude; Seventeen years after she stopped dieting and lost weight once and for all, Jean Antonello is justifiably proud of her achievement. She's especially proud of the almost three years it took her to get mentally ready, because it was so difficult to triumph over her misconceptions and fears. But once she felt truly ready to lose weight, the pounds came off slowly but surely. "Looking back," she reflects, "I believe that if I didn't take the time to get ready to lose weight, I'd probably still be on the starve-binge dieting roller coaster today."